Cogito Ergo Sum

I’m sending you this facebook message for two reasons
1: I have a lot to say and I’m not going to call and say it when you can just hang up.
2: You’ll, no doubt, share what I have to say with anyone who will listen and then mix up/embellish details to your liking (per usual). This way, there’s no embellishing, what I have to say is documented and impartial to your 2nd party bias.
Whether you choose to read my message in its entirety is up to you but at least today I know that I’ve said my peace. You see over the past couple weeks I’ve had a real short temper and it’s just occurred to me why. I’m dwelling on everything that I want to say and I’ve been waiting for you to call and say “we need to talk” so that I have my chance to say it. Well, I’m not waiting, I’m just going to say it.

I was really optimistic for our relationship for a while. Playing video games over the phone, talking, connecting, we were doing great. I honestly don’t know what prompted our argument. As I recall we were having an adult conversation about my essay, I respectfully disagreed, using those words precisely (granted in present, not past tense), and you called me stubborn. I then proceeded to tell you that was your perspective but to me I thought you were being equally stubborn. It was at this point I remember you confusing the words knowledge and wisdom, calling yourself wise because you have 20 years of experience on me (all of which are roughly 20 years outdated mind you). I don’t pretend to be wise, I don’t even know how much I don’t know, but I do know that wisdom begets humility, which is something you’ve clearly yet to learn.
Another thing you failed to learn is that I’m an adult. I know that means I’m not done growing up, but I’m 19 years old, the time for punishing, the time for rewarding, and the time for controlling is long gone. The only way a relationship could have worked between us at this point was in an air of mutual respect. You lost mine around the time you threw a temper tantrum while simultaneously calling me a stubborn child because I wouldn’t do what you wanted. 
I’m telling you this now because I think I’ve finally figured you out. As I said earlier, my temper has been short because I’m dwelling. I have a hunch it’s the same for you. What you’re dwelling on may vary, but it’s just as unhealthy, and you need to speak your peace or move on. It’s apparent that you have serious anger issues that need sorting out soon, but it just occurred to me that anger stems directly from issues with my mom, and potentially more problems. I tell you from the bottom of my heart, get help.
Thank you for the help with the health insurance last week, you’ll be happy to know that I’m making an appointment with an agency to set up my own plan which I will pay for myself. You’ll also be happy to know that I’m taking out a loan for a car. I’m currently working on scholarships to pay for school. Basically, I’ll be fine without you. I could apologize right now, tell you that you were right and let you take care of everything for me. I’m not a liar though, you weren’t right. Your VP of Student Affairs fiance told me not to send in my essay. My Honors Advisor told me to, my Honors Persuasive Speech teacher told me to turn it in, and if you want to count those without credibility: it was you versus my mom, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend. Any way you look at it, your side of the argument was outnumbered, and even if everyone had told me not to do it, the choice is mine. I’m an adult, it’s time for me to make my own choices, and my own mistakes. If you were a real parent, you would have recognized that. I did what I thought was what I had to in order to get into the school that I wanted. I didn’t do whatever the hell I wanted like you implied. If I had thought for a minute that it could have taken anything less than what I had already written to get accepted into UofM, you would have to be a fool to think I wouldn’t have done so. That essay was embarrassing, and it took every ounce of courage to tell the administrators my most personal mistakes and what I learned from them. Will I get negative responses? You bet I will, but I truly believe the overall response will be positive.

I had this whole revenge scheme planned out. I was going to get my admission letter and send you a copy with a picture of my new car and a note saying “I guess you were right, the best revenge is success”.
That route wouldn’t have brought me any peace. I’ve spoken my mind for the last time. I have one last thing to say.
They say if a relationship is worth keeping that you should apologize even if you feel you were right.
That’s why I’m not going to apologize.
You cause me stress. More specifically, your temper causes me stress, and even if we’re having a good father/son bonding happy-go-lucky love life time there’s this nagging in the back of my head telling me you could snap at any given moment. I could say the wrong word and we go right from good times to shit. To put it simply, you are stress. Being around you is stressful. You have a temper that needs to be taken care of pronto. I’m giving you the chance to be the bigger man in this situation (it’s sad that I have to default to the role of child so that you can be an adult). This is your last chance. If you respond to this in a negative fashion, do so knowing that we will never speak again. You will simply be a memory to me. Makes no difference to me if I see or hear from you again. If you still want a relationship with your son, you’re going to have to get help. Don’t call me and tell me you will get help. You call only after you’ve gotten it. Last time we had a “talk” we agreed you’d work on your temper if I worked on mine. This isn’t a temper, this is tough love. I want to see you get better, but if you choose not to: you’re an adult, it’s not my responsibility to take care of you. I’d like to see you get better, but ultimately the choice is yours.

Good-bye Dad
Get well soon